Killing Negative Narratives

We hold these truths to be self-evident…that we all suck at something. Many of us might even suck at many things. While there may be some truth to this predisposition, when we subscribe to this self-talk long enough, it becomes part of our narrative.

 

Think of your narrative as the inner story that defines you, based on what you affirm to be true about yourself. According to the wise Christopher Moltisanti, each of us has an “arc” that constructs our unique character and story. Maybe you’re a great dancer, but a terrible singer, causing you to always skip out on karaoke night with friends. This may seem minor, but that kind of narrative is limiting and reductive. We all have this compass, which guides our decision-making with magnetic force, even for small ineffectual things. 

 

 

Why do we let these stories drag us down? At a certain point, how much time spent saying we are “bad” or “not good” at something could be re-allocated to improving our limitations? Not to mention, the energy we have to expend to continue believing them our whole lives.

 

The baggage is too great, and honestly I’ve grown tired of carrying it all. This year, I’ve decided to kill off some of my negative narratives and move on. The first one is embarrassing for anyone to admit, especially for a male, but here it goes.

 

I used to suck at parallel parking, but now I don’t.

 

Yup, that’s right, it used to drive me mad. This shortcoming would quite literally alter the course of places I was willing to drive, unless I knew it would be a layup job — plenty of space with minimal angry traffickers. An emasculating belief in front of the guys when confronted with the last spot during a perfect surf tide. Or on a date night downtown with your significant other.

 

So after years spent believing in this nonsense and letting it impact things I love to do, I figured enough’s enough. The past few weeks, I sought out parallel parking opportunities everywhere. No YouTube videos, just pure feel, like picking up a basketball after a long hiatus. Refining my craft by making tweaks and allowing do-overs, I started popping into spots I never thought available to me.

 

“This is how the better half lives,” I thought to myself in a George Costanza voice after a recent snag near the beach. That man loved a good parking spot, and I can now boast that I fully understand his petty affection.

 

 

You might be saying to yourself, “wow Tim, you learned how park your f%#^$*g car, congratulations here’s your medal” – and you might be right. Maybe it is laughable that I’ve finally achieved a B+ level grade of p-parking at the ripe age of 32. Wait till you hear my 2nd one!

 

I used to suck at making powerpoint slides, but now I don’t.

 

Having been born in 1990, I’ve technically been making slides since elementary school. We learned the ins and outs of Microsoft Office as we learned to tie our shoes. Flash forward to high school and college, where I had taken entire courses to learn and refine this common skill. No one ever took these courses seriously and I certainly wasn’t any exception.

 

Recently, when I’d get assigned slides for sales motions, I’d dreadfully put it off until the very last minute. Working in highly competitive technology sales, there’s no room for these excuses. Slide presentations are effectively the default form of dance in this world. No matter what Steve Jobs or anyone else claims, this skill is essential.

 

How could I afford let myself continue to endorse this supposed handicap? I wasn’t exactly starting from zero. Any schlub can copy some templates and slap some words on the screen, right?

 

So that’s exactly what I did. I started by creating a repository of slides made by peers. I hoarded a variety of layouts and designs, and began welcoming opportunities to leverage my war chest of options. This library of cheat codes became the building blocks for gaining some momentum.

 

Outside of my day to day sales role, I also volunteered to lead side projects where slides were needed. Through sheer brute force, my comfort level advanced enough to take the training wheels off, where I began making more from scratch and putting my own spin on designs.

 

Even though I already felt comfortable leading talks and demonstrations, the skill-building wheels were now in motion. I wanted to double down on overall presentation improvement, and who better to ask for help than my own network?

 

So I sought out the best presenter at my company (a friend and also our CISO), who graciously allowed me to pick his brain for advice and tips. I took pages of notes and went on to read Steal the Show by Michael Port at his suggestion. A mini masterclass with some homework.

 

What did I learn? The best slides don’t have a lot of content – in fact, the fewer the better. Well-placed images or animations often get the best reaction, which take little effort to include. Effective slides are more about delivering a composed message with conviction, rather than jamming as many text bullets as you can. Who would have thought, less is more?!

 

 

The end result, I’m a go-to resource for slides now. If you’re working on a deck with me, you better believe my section is gonna be badass and impactful. I’ll mix in relevant data, visuals, gifs, and deliver well-rehearsed notes so the audience doesn’t forget who the slide master really is.

 

Drop the curtain, turn the house lights up. Show’s over for this anti-slides guy.

 

Finally, I used to be self-conscious about releasing my writing into the wild, but now I’m not.

 

OK to be honest, I still feel like an imposter as I write this. But why start a blog in the first place if I’m scared of some criticism? It feels like an oxymoron – become a blogger, tell no one about it. How could I expect to grow as a writer by staying in my shell, let alone grow any type of audience?

 

Most of us feel imposter syndrome regularly, whether it’s with our careers, fitness, or other arenas we play in. But what doesn’t serve us inevitably holds us back from the outcomes we’re seeking. James Clear, the author of Atomic Habits, talks about actions counting as votes towards the person you want to be. Eventually, you build up enough evidence through your actions that prove you are, in fact, the person you’ve been envisioning. Accumulating enough of this evidence can help you cross the threshold of your desired identity. That’s how we can overcome this pesky syndrome.

 

Writing isn’t just a “creative outlet” for me; it’s about something more. So what’s my end game? TBD. But I’ll tell you one thing: I’ll be spending less time caring about what other people think about my writing moving forward. So go ahead, take your best shots.

 

 

So those are the 3 negative narratives I’m killing off in 2023. I’m fine with continuing to suck at singing for the record. No aspirations to make any progress there, you won’t catch me skipping karaoke night either way.

 

For those of you tried of holding onto a negative narrative, which one will you be sending to the guillotine this year? Share yours in the comments.